The Unknown Truths of Dating Myths

For decades there have been lies roaming the universe and today I am going to take the time to set a few of the records straight.

LIE #1: Girls must prove to the world that they are good looking and not a waste of space, by getting married by the age of 19. If you do not achieve this you become socially unacceptable, shunned at family gatherings, and daily asked the question, "So, are you dating anyone?"

LIE #2: If you are not dating someone then you have absolutely nothing else going on. In fact, since apparently you have no life, you should put your life aka nothingness on hold to find someone to start procreating with.

LIE #3: By the age of 24 you should be finished creating your family AND expecting your second grandchild.

LIE # 4: If for some BIZARE reason you are not married and are without child, your home should be infested with cats. Allergic to cats? GET THEM ANYWAY! You’re not married, you deserve to be miserable.

Now, here it goes! I'm going to lay it all out on the line for you, so PAY.ATTENTION!!! HERE IS THE TRUTH!!!

#1- You can get married at any time. Getting married sooner or later in life DOES NOT MATTER!!! Two people having chemistry is all coincidence and falling in love is an accident. You cannot force this to happen or to hurry. It will happen when it happens. (Fact: You are still an amazing human being if you are not married; don’t let the world feel otherwise.)

#2- If someone’s answer is "No," when asked if they are in a relationship that does not mean they aren't going out and accomplishing their dreams! So don't act disappointed when they inform you that they are single-- IT’S RUDE! Getting a career, finishing schooling, working, and making a life for themselves is just as important as getting married. You will eventually have to accomplish this and getting a head start at this is awesome! (Whatever direction life has taken you is challenging and as long as it’s the right choice FOR YOU then HOORAY! If someone takes a different path than you choose to, GET OVER IT and look up the definition of word: free agency.)

#3- After you are married, you would assume that the world would tire of pestering you, but it won’t. They will begin asking about babies! You will hear questions like "When are going to start having kids?" and after that "When are you going to popping out another dozen? Your other twenty kids look lonely!"

 WARNING: To anyone who ever tries to weasel their way into my birthing schedule expect the neighborhood children to randomly show up at your doorstep for FREE BABYSITTING for a few days!

#4- WE DONT WANT CATS!!!!  Not now! Now ever! Not alive! Not stuffed!.... Stuffed cats.... If EVER anyone buys a single adult a stuffed cat for their twenty-first birthday because they believe that not even a cat should be subject to a life of such misery.  I vote that they should be sentenced to being chained to the floor, while wild serpents slither around them, without food for approximately twenty-one days.

FYI--- I have a meeting scheduled with President Obama later this month to talk about said proposition, I'll let you know what he says.