Reasons to have a Boyfriend.

Usually, I think having a boyfriend would be complete nonsense, but today I actually realized there MIGHT be a few perks to having a man!

·         Have you ever tried dipping apple slices into caramel, while working on your homework? It is really tough! Your fingers get sticky, caramel gets all over your homework, and it takes forever to satisfy your desire for correct apple to caramel ratio and figuring out your chemistry homework!

Reason #1 to have a boyfriend…. He could feed you caramel dipped apples while you study your brains out! Now, that’s ROMANCE!

·         Awful story: The other day I had an itch on my back! I know, awful right?  Now there are two types of itches that can occur on the back: #1- When the itch on your back is where you can reach it, so it’s not really a problem, just a pain (in the back… hahaha!. I’m hilarious!)  And #2- When the itch is on the center of your back and no matter how hard you try, you can't reach it!!! Now, in this story, it just happened to be a itch #2 …. It was awful! (Not to be confused with a regular #2, you know, toilet-talk terminology!) Any way--- There was no one there to scratch my back for me! Making it worse! I felt like the T-Rex from the Disney movie Meet the Robinson’s, “I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”

Reason #2 to have a boyfriend….. You could call him at random times and have him come over and scratch your back for you! He would be like…. Your knight in shining armor!

·         Have you ever had one of those nights when your roommates tell you that you have no friends and you’re a loser? And then you hear about a party and you have to go alone because you don’t know anyone who would actually want to be seen in public with you? (Awkward silence.) No...??? Oh, well this happens to me all the time.

Reason #3 to have a boyfriend…. You would have someone to crash parties with you, go rollerblading with you, and put jig-saw puzzles together with you WHENEVER you wanted!!! And all you would have to do is practice lip exercises with him. Sounds like a good deal to me! (Yes, I know, I’m sketchy! I apologize for those youngsters out there reading this blog…I should have warned you that it was rated PG-13.)

At this point in my list making, I couldn’t think of any other reasons of why having a guy around would be nice, but I did actually think of one more! (Weird, right? It was surprising to me too!)  

·         We’ve all has those night where we’re too lazy to cook anything, even though we’re hungry! And we want to watch a movie …. But we’ve seen every single one’s we brought to college with us and we don’t want to leave our house to rent one! Do you know what comes in handy at a time like that???

Reason #4 to have a boyfriend …. When you have a boyfriend…Most likely when you tell this, they will bring you dinner (Usually Mac & Cheese or a hamburger from McDonald’s) and a movie! Hopefully something romantic, so you can snuggle! If your boyfriend is a keeper… We’re talking about grade “A” marriage material here.. (And there isn’t a lot of those “possibly future husbands” left in the world…. But just in case this does happen, you should know….) If he brings you ice cream when you’re having one of these nights….. Marry him.

If you do marry him, let me know, I’ll write you a list of reasons why it’s good to have a husband. (If you thinking “She’s not married, she doesn’t know anything about marriage! She cant write me a list!”… MY REPLY:  “I’ll Google it!”)

The Unknown Truths of Dating Myths

For decades there have been lies roaming the universe and today I am going to take the time to set a few of the records straight.

LIE #1: Girls must prove to the world that they are good looking and not a waste of space, by getting married by the age of 19. If you do not achieve this you become socially unacceptable, shunned at family gatherings, and daily asked the question, "So, are you dating anyone?"

LIE #2: If you are not dating someone then you have absolutely nothing else going on. In fact, since apparently you have no life, you should put your life aka nothingness on hold to find someone to start procreating with.

LIE #3: By the age of 24 you should be finished creating your family AND expecting your second grandchild.

LIE # 4: If for some BIZARE reason you are not married and are without child, your home should be infested with cats. Allergic to cats? GET THEM ANYWAY! You’re not married, you deserve to be miserable.

Now, here it goes! I'm going to lay it all out on the line for you, so PAY.ATTENTION!!! HERE IS THE TRUTH!!!

#1- You can get married at any time. Getting married sooner or later in life DOES NOT MATTER!!! Two people having chemistry is all coincidence and falling in love is an accident. You cannot force this to happen or to hurry. It will happen when it happens. (Fact: You are still an amazing human being if you are not married; don’t let the world feel otherwise.)

#2- If someone’s answer is "No," when asked if they are in a relationship that does not mean they aren't going out and accomplishing their dreams! So don't act disappointed when they inform you that they are single-- IT’S RUDE! Getting a career, finishing schooling, working, and making a life for themselves is just as important as getting married. You will eventually have to accomplish this and getting a head start at this is awesome! (Whatever direction life has taken you is challenging and as long as it’s the right choice FOR YOU then HOORAY! If someone takes a different path than you choose to, GET OVER IT and look up the definition of word: free agency.)

#3- After you are married, you would assume that the world would tire of pestering you, but it won’t. They will begin asking about babies! You will hear questions like "When are going to start having kids?" and after that "When are you going to popping out another dozen? Your other twenty kids look lonely!"

 WARNING: To anyone who ever tries to weasel their way into my birthing schedule expect the neighborhood children to randomly show up at your doorstep for FREE BABYSITTING for a few days!

#4- WE DONT WANT CATS!!!!  Not now! Now ever! Not alive! Not stuffed!.... Stuffed cats.... If EVER anyone buys a single adult a stuffed cat for their twenty-first birthday because they believe that not even a cat should be subject to a life of such misery.  I vote that they should be sentenced to being chained to the floor, while wild serpents slither around them, without food for approximately twenty-one days.

FYI--- I have a meeting scheduled with President Obama later this month to talk about said proposition, I'll let you know what he says.